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homeless_steve

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[24 Mar 2005|06:08am]
[ mood | chipper ]

damn all kinds of things have hapned since the last time i updated, me and taryn started talking and one thing lead to another and now we are together. this is the first time i have been truly happy for more then just a few hours for a long time. im really glad this happened between us because we are just alot alike. even now she will be here in 10 min and i think its way to long because i just really like to spend time with her. so thats the major development as of late. hmmmmmm what else is there. oh yah wasted a few more hours at the docters office so that he could tell me just to stay on the same meds which im almost out of. i get to wear a really badass shirt today, ryan had been holding out on me, he has a wurstfest shirt and he didnt tell me and i never would have seen it if i hadnt been doing laundry, hooray for chores!!!!!!! it fits the way the ladies like it to. well im letting the hair grow back out and then i think im gonna dye it i just dont know how yet. im thinkin black with blonde bangs, totally freak the grandparents, but i also want to dye it green or some other wierd ass color just once before i get to old for it so i might just end up doing that instead. thats another thing i like about taryn she likes the way i look no matter what as long as im happy with it. i need to get my unearth hat back from ashley i really like that hat. wow that was random. hopefully i finally got switched to westes class, if not i suppose summerlin will let me go back there because she knows i really dont need that class, i was stupid to pick it in the first place because i knew i really didnt need it but hey i figured easy math credit and the counselers told me i needed it. bastards. o well taryn will be here soon :) so im out. DUECE NIGGA!!!!!

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[15 Mar 2005|03:10pm]
hey, new background thingy, i think its pretty cool but i need to find a better picture. jesus cleaned for 5 hours today just so i could go to chorpus tomarow and thurs, it better be fuckin awesome. well damn i just ran out of steam on crap to say,
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[13 Mar 2005|11:19pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

well i guess i have officially been booted as amandas prom date, which kind of sux cuz even though i really like her and she doesnt feel the same way about me i still wanted to be able to take her. went to cowboys tonight, which was fun, i was going to confront fears i had from middle school and ask hannah cooper to dance but then somebody who will remain nameless came to talk to me and while that hapned somebody else asked her, and it was the last dance so i didnt have a chance after that, o well shit happens. the first 2 days of spring break have been pretty uneventfull all ive done is sit around the house and be depressed because its spring break my senior year and im sitting at home doing nothing wondering y i cant find somebody to be with, when i had a gf everybody and there grandmother was up my ass and now that im single i cant even find somebody to go on a date with or to get to dance. i dont get it at all, it seems kind of unfair. i really wish i knew what i did to change mandas opinion of me, i mean i understand she didnt want to get hurt when i was still hung up on caitlin but now that im not i dont see y we cant give it a shot. i guess im pretty much fucked in that regard though because the way it looks i have no chance what so ever. im getting used to that. well either way i had fun, had a few dances with brandi and a couple with sara and one with a chic i didnt know who didnt seem to enthused about the idea but danced neway, i guess it was that or nothing so she danced. as soon as i turn 18 im gonna die my hair black and my bangs blonde and go get a few more tattoos ive already got em pretty much picked out and ive wanted em for awhile so i think i could deal with them for the rest of my life, as for my grandparents its probably a different story. but its not exactly up to them what i do with my body so they can get used to it i suppose. i accidentally stood up megan for golf this morning but i really had no way of getting there i just wish i had given her a heads up instead of just leaving her there, im sure she played neway but i woke up to late to call and tell her i wasnt coming.

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[12 Mar 2005|03:45pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

well, sitten here watching little nicky which pretty much sums up my day so far, sitting around watching tv. although i did call those girls i met at diamond js last night and i should be going somewhere with the really hot one so the day should look up a little later, not real positive on that one yet though. tomarow is saras bday at cowboys, that should be fun to, i havnt danced in awhile so it should be an interesting experiance for everyone. finally got the pictures updated on the band website but they take forever and a half to load up when u get on the sight, then again it could just be my computer cuz this hunk of junk really sux. internet went out for like 4 hours last night i was like a little lost puppy which is really sad i need to start finding other hobbies then just sitting in front of this screen and talking to ppl and playing video games. I played a little guitar today but nothing really inspirational hit so i didnt play for very long, robert can come up with some good riffs though so im not worried, i own the breakdowns though. i need more pairs of pants, even though im hardcore scrawny these pants are to tight around the waist. aka i really need that freakin job at blockbuster which im not sure im gonna get cuz jason applied to after me and i guess they want him cuz hes older, nando said he would inquire about me again, i really appreciate the lengths he is taking to get me hooked up there, if i get that job all kinds of doors are gonna open for me as far as the car and liscense and a new guitar and new clothes and just a better life over all i think, with the car i will be able to get out more and i think that will make all the difference as far as boredem goes.

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[11 Mar 2005|03:36pm]
well i dunno what to do, today was the first day that wasnt absoloute shit in forever, but the day isnt over yet either. got switched away from b lunch which makes me feel better, also into a class where i wont have to work hardly at all. its spring break, every seems excited about that and im just kinda eh. ya i got nothin so i guess ill go back to sitting here.
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[10 Mar 2005|02:59pm]
[ mood | thoughtful ]

ive decided something, it only came on today but i think its been a few days in the making. ive decided my attitude on pretty much nething from now on is "i dont give a shit" it seems to be the only way to get through life because as soon as u start caring about something it gets taken away from u one way or the other. i think as soon as i adopt this new motto then life well get alot easier. i wont care so much about shit that goes down ill look at what used to be fun and is now gone and ill say "i dont give a shit" should be hard to get used to but im gonna try my damndest. o well i finally finished that damn stephen king book that ive been reading off and on for 2 years. it wasnt that good but finally there is a sense of closure about it, now i just have to finish the talisman which will probably never happen because i really just cant get into it like i can alot of other books, there is scary shit and everything but i dont really identify with the characters and i dont really care what happens to them, i thought u were supposed to care about them in a story maybe its just me. i think the fx network has a hard on for fight club this is the second time in 2 days it has been on and it will probably be on again tonight which is really stupid because they have to cut out half the movie and that takes away all the good parts thus screwing the movie. spring break is either gonna be salvation or damnation depending on how things turn out. going to chorpus see what i can find fun wise. going to cowboys sunday night which will be an adventure in itself. and ill have the house to myself for a week which means no bitchy mother and that should be a relief it really all comes down to how much ryan wants to be a dick about things and how much lonlier ill be without ppl to distract me constantly, i guess we shall see.

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[09 Mar 2005|04:29pm]
[ mood | same shit different day ]

well i bailed out of school early today, for a multitude of reasons, most of them bieng i didnt want to be there. im watching who wants to be a millionare, how pathetic is that. ive been thinking alot about grudges lately and ive decided to keep most of them, the ppl that screw u over can never be counted on again. for the most part the day sucked, even though nothing really bad happned nothing good happned either and tomarow i just have to see caitlin and matt together again like i do every a day, yesterday was worse though they were all over each other at least tomarow they will be in uniform and wont be allowed to do that. i guess i will just go run until my lungs burn and my legs ache so that i wont think nemore about how shit has just crumbled around me.

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[08 Mar 2005|02:57pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

i think today hit a new low, i learned that yet again a girl im interested in doesnt feel the same way about me, you would think id be getting used to it by now cuz it just keeps comin. so now the damn marines will be here in an hour and i have to deal with their shit and tell them again that im not all that interested and that even if i wear im on medication for depression so i couldnt be in even if i wanted to. i cant believe its only tuesday at this rate spring break will never get here, and to tell u the truth im not so certain i care, i dont have nething fabulous planned for spring break besides sitting around and doing nothing which just makes me think things that i really dont want to, i dont no what i did that was an affront to god but i wish he would quit with the screwing me over already it really sux. its getting harder and harder to believe he has a plan for me and that he has my best interests in mind. my list of friends grows thin.

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[07 Mar 2005|09:39pm]
[ mood | just kinda there ]

well boys and girls it has indeed as i said before, been another day in hell. actually today was goin pretty good for awhile, me and this undying truth have a few good songs in the works and im workin on the website but then i got to boyscouts. y do ppl feel the need to rehash shit about me and caitlin. honestly im trying really hard not to give a fuck that shes with another guy already and im doing a really good job but when somebody walks up and says "hey glenn i say ur ex gf with another guy today" wtf is that. what would possess a person to say that to someone, no matter who it was to who wants to hear about how there ex is doing these days, the only good thing that came out of that is that it didnt completely ruin my night like it would have a week ago. in fact i got home called amanda and felt alot better. ive pretty much accepted a life of celebacy at this point, i mean i dont no how amanda is about all that but im pretty sure shes not as "permiscuous" as i am, and im very proud to say that that doesnt bother me at all, to be with her i would give up sex because i just dont need it, if someday we love each other then maybe but right now i just want to be able to hold her hand and dance with her and say "u see that beautifull girl over there, im very proud to say that im hers" for that privaledge i would give up alot more then just sex. had taco cabana leftovers for dinner tonight, god my family loves me. and through all of this i have my friends, most of whom dont no how really lonely i am because they are pretty much the same way and i dont want to bother them with the same shit they deal with on a day to day basis neway. o shit family guy is on, highlight of the day, well almost.

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[06 Mar 2005|07:49pm]
[ mood | complacent ]

well this wknd really blew, of all the things i had planned one went right, couldnt find a ride to the show, couldnt get out to the flea market, couldnt go play golf this morning and alyssa couldnt find a ride out to the movies. that last one im not to worried about, i would rather have taken amanda but she had to babysit. ive pretty much sworn off of all other girls in the hope that maybe manda will look my way again, i already screwed it up once and i just want another chance. im done with lying and cheating ive realized that it just screws things up more. but i dont want to pressure her after all the whole point of a relationship is to be happy and if it wouldnt make her happy there is really no point in bieng in it. that movie really sucked though, i was expecting some kind of devilish curse instead it was just bieng a werewolf, how unorignal and extremely disspointing.

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[04 Mar 2005|03:22pm]
[ mood | discontent ]

nother day in hell, god going to school blows so much, how can i hate it so much and still want to stay, ill tell u why, because i have become institutionalized by the system, im so used to having someone tell me when to eat where to go at what time that im afraid to make the choices for myself. you would think i would be happy prom is coming up im almost out of highschool and i should be getting a job soon, but im not happy if nething its the opposite, shit just seems to get harder and harder, ms braswell called me down to "check on me" which basicly meant i was still alive, which i was. the marines were supposed to have come and gotten me by now so i could discuss a possible career path with them but i guess my business wasnt that important to them because nobody came. so thats one of three major events to turn to shit today, all that remains is for it to rain on the soccer game and for one of the bands to cop out that i am going to say, thats a little pessimistic but with the way my life is running right now i really wouldnt be surprised if those events actually happned. alot of anger and suppressed rage is built up inside of me, its like im really pissed but i dont no y or who at. i just want to hurt somebody, and bad. there was a fight today at school and i regretted that i wasnt in it but then again then i would get expelled and that would suck ass so i guess ill pick a fight somewhere where it wont get me in trouble. to much trouble neway.its been 12 days since i have spoken to jj. and im not real sure how to feel about it, she seems fine now which i knew she would be and i told her so several times. im glad shes happy but i cant abide somebody who would betray me like that so i like the non relationship we have right now.gotta give nandos guitar back tomarow after having the v for a week im glad i didnt buy one holding it is to ungainly and id rather just haven ibanez because i think they play better. but i cant really find one of the finish i want but i guess it really doesnt matter since my mom pussed out on her promise to buy me a new guitar when tax money came back. o well ranting has made me feel better so i guess ill go call sara and tell her i need a ride to the game.

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[03 Mar 2005|03:08pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

i would just like to take this oppurtunity to say ppl are fucking stupid, and this applies to everyone not just the ppl i hate, every has done something stupid in there lifetime wether they want to admit it or not. but life has sucked since the last time i updated in dec. since then gf has broke up with me, best friend has stabbed me in the back, been sent to a mental hospital(and dont kid yourselves thats what it was), and realized that there is no place in the dating world for me. that about sums it up, o wait i forgot, grandpa died further adding to the shit storm. its nice that nobody ever reads this so i can pretty much write whatever i want.

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[28 Dec 2004|06:23pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

well shit just wrote a long entry and then my fucking computer crashed aint that about a bitch, neways in short all i said was gf bieng bitchy got new shit for christmas and wondering wether or not i should get a new puter. oh and y my mom wants me to have friends over for new years eve, that coniving bitch.

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[23 Dec 2004|01:21pm]
[ mood | bored ]

you know i really hate bieng poor. It sux how i cant go to ne college i want because i have no money. speaking of college i guess i better get on the ball and apply at sac go me. and i need to apply for the sats again, i have no idea when the next round is gonna come through. i wish everyone got to go to a higher education school regardless of income, see this is where everyone tells me o there is scholarships, but i have none i dont do nething that gives me rights to a scholarship. im finally done with highschool and then i have to throw myself back into the fray. life sux as far as school as concerned.

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bitches aint shit [22 Dec 2004|01:13am]
[ mood | chillen ]

well its 113 in the morning and since there isnt much to do ill update this thingamjig funny how i never do unless im really bored. the craft is on tv and i have never seen all of it so im all woohoo highlight of my day, except for jj coming over that was fun we chilled out and went to see the incredibles which was a really good movie i though even though it was animated it was geared towards an older audience. i love disney movies like that.well i hate reading long entries so ill cut this one short.

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blahbity blah [15 Oct 2004|12:18pm]
[ mood | anticipation in the wings ]

well ya i guess ill start doing this again cuz there isnt much to do on the internet nemore for me except talk to ppl. which i do quite frequently, im such a loser i spend all my time indoors. except for my ventures into the outside world for skating and bball. i wish i had more kids in my nieborhood i so need a good game of football. i confuse myself everyone i no hates there school and has no school spirit and im all wearing a letter jacket and participating in afterschool activities, o well fuck yall i like where im at right now. well im kind of out of things to say im sure since ill be on the computer again today ill write more.

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homeward bound [04 Aug 2004|09:33am]
hereby resides the last and final testament of my california adventure, i am going home today at 445. its funny when i was about to leave for here i was really excited and couldnt wait and now im going home and im really excited and cant wait, i miss ppl, i miss my dawg, and i miss sleeping in my own bed most of all. o ya and i miss my baby (guitar) but out here has been alot of fun. some times dramatic but not as much as it would have been at home, its funny everyone i no in california leaves for the sa the same day as i do but of course i have to leave from a diff airport then them, aint that a bitch. well im gonna go back to iming ppl from the office cuz there is nothing else to do here, its kind of sad actually.

we pillage we plunder
we murder we steal
we really arent very nice
but when we are done
weve had so much fun
that we wish we had done it all twice
yo ho yo ho a pirates life for me.
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half way through [30 Jul 2004|12:14am]
[ mood | fuck u ]

well i havnt posted in awhile not that it matters no one reads these things neway they are more for me then neone else. well lets see how shall i start explaining my shitty night lets start at how everyone on this earth except me thinks i should break up with caitlin asap, yes she makes me unhappy but so fuckin what there are a billion ppl out there with bad relationships y should i be ne diff for christs sake mom u want me to conform thats what im doing by not breaking up with her. and its not only her...o no that would be to easy to make it worse all my friends have to say it to, i guess it doesnt help that all my friends like me more then friends but still cmon how many times do i have to hear u should break up with her and stop wasting ur time I GET IT. for fucks sake lemme lone. neways the night went on when i pissed of steve for the thousanth time this trip i just dont get it laura says that is just the way he is but i cant help feeling bad they have done so much for me and gone out of there way so much i just feel really bad when i screw something up for him, damn i just cant win, well whatever that was the night from hell stoping to look back i guess it wasnt that bad. by the congrats on jessica makin the mag woohoo. i wish i could be famous. o well i guess meeting incubis and getting a guitar signed by the all american rejects will have to do for now, see i just love saying it in a show offy way
I GET TO MEET INCUBIS!!!!!!!! all u fuckers who have better lives then me and more money well fuck u because i get to meet ppl who live my dream and get payed for it. its gonna be me someday godamnit and ill be fucked in the ear before i lose sight of that. neways violent thoughts against other ppl put aside ive had a good time so far cant wait for the real fun to begin when i get to disneyland. well its 230 sa time i guess i should be tired guess ill sleep. and jason go play a nice game of hide and go fuck urself. now if only i coudl actually say that to him. later

"and when she died
i should have cried
and spared myself some pain
she left me
incomplete
left alone let the memories now unfold"

-pantera, cemetary gates

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IM HERE [23 Jul 2004|11:59pm]
finally i have arrived, the flight was nice i dint get screwed to much on the connecting flight from pheonix i sat next to a guy who had a laptop and i got to watch a movie, while i wasnt sleeping neway but the layover was kind of a bitch cuz it was so boring, but hey im here now no more complaining. today was awsome, we went to universal studios and did everthing there is to do there except go see some special effects thing that they have but i have seen that before and its not that great neway. but the rest was great, went to hard rock cafe and about creamed my jeans cuz it was so great,imagine ur fav bands all having there instruments kept in one place and now imagine that u can eat really good food while listening to really good music. and i got my facepainted like darth maul cuz im a dork like that but hey screw yall darth is the shit and no one can say ne diff. rode the new mummy ride and i have to say it was a lil of a dissapointment after all the hype with commercials and ads it was just bassicly a really short roller coaster with cool holograms. but it was still fun and seeing as how i have never had more fun in one day in my life i really shouldnt complain about nething i rode all kinds of other stuff to and saw a spider man stunt show and the water world stunt show both of which were really good and i would go see them again neday lots of explotions and the like. ummmm. i cant believe this is only the first day and im alreayd having so much fun and i havnt gone to disney land or hollywood yet thats tomarow and disney land is next week. havnt talked to jenny yet or neone for that matter i have been to busy chillen with the fam, like im gonna go do now. later.

"Smite the sheppard and the sheep will be scattered"
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apolagies are hard but necassary [20 Jul 2004|10:33pm]
well biting the bullet always sux, but at times it needs to be done. that bieng said, i am sorry, u no who u are and i cant reach u through conventional methods so i would say it on here since u usually read this, i realize i was bieng a whiny boy bitch lol and i am sorry it wont happen again, neway apolagizing sux so i hope i dont have to do it again. ne ways did nothing tonight went to grandparents and dropped of the sibling so i dont have to watch her that much this week and thank god for that she gets really annoying most of the time. but hey how can i complain i just sleep through babysitting its wrong but hey she hasnt died yet so its all good. leaving in about 36 hours i cant fuckin wait although i will miss alot of my friends i can still talk to them cuz they have online stuff at my aunts house. neway like i said i cant make these things long and futurama is on so im officially sidetracked.

ill come back three times
once in the name of deciet
twice for ur malice
three times when i take u away
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